Some things change us forever.

Musings about Regret vs Remorse.

Who wants to make mistakes?
Even though it is a sign
We are exploring and growing,
It's not really our favourite, is it?

It makes us wish
That life has a rewind button,
To let us erase our errors.

So a follow-up question,
Who wants to make
The same mistakes?

Nobody, is my scientific guess ;)

Then why all this talk about
"Living without regret"?
Is that really what we want,
To never regret anything?

Or could regret be an incredibly
Powerful force for change?

Do we actually need regret,
In order to learn from our mistakes?


Best way I can put it
Is to illustrate the difference
Between regret and remorse.

"Remorse is the echo of a lost virtue."

Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Without looking at the dictionary,
Regret is beating oneself up
For our wrong-doings and failure.
It's quite self-obsessed in a way,
A poor-me type feeling.

We regret something,
Because we didn't like how it felt
Or we disliked
The consequences for ourselves.

We don't want to feel like that again.
Regret is about me-myself-and-I,

And doesn’t really serve a purpose.

While remorse,
On the other hand,
Is so useful.

It's about the other...
It's a genuine empathy,
A deep deep deep sorry,
An apology from our toes.
Almost like a shame,
But in a healthy way.

It's an inner realisation that says:
"Did I make you feel that way?
I never, ever, ever
Want to do that again. Ever."

“True remorse is never just
Regret over consequence;
It is regret over motive.”

- Mignon McLaughlin -

Deep, sincere, genuine remorse
Connects us with the gravity
Of what we've done.
​It brings incredible empathy
For those we have hurt.
It makes forgiveness easier.​​
​It brings a deeper understanding
Of the effect of our actions.
And changes our moral compass
Towards more compassion.

“True remorse is never just
Regret over consequence;
It is regret over motive.”
- Mignon McLaughlin -

And I believe
That heartfelt remorse
Is almost like a vow
To never do that again.

And with that,
A thankfulness appears,

For the opportunities for growth,

Brought about by the mistake we made.

A gratitude, and humility, comes over us
As somehow, deep inside,
We have transformed.

​
With love,
Karin

Photos by Unsplash.