Travel Shaming: Are you feeling embarrassed about travelling during a pandemic?

Do you know that slightly guilty feeling,
For being happy?
Because others don't have your luck,
Because maybe it’ll upset them?

Because their opinion feels scary?​

Are you hiding yourself, your joy, your good fortune?

Maybe you’re pregnant,
But your best friend just miscarried.
Maybe you found
The love of your life,
But your sister is older, and ‘still’ single.
Maybe you got a promotion,
While unemployment is sky-rocketing.

Maybe you are going abroad,
Which with all the tests and quarantine
Is impossible for many.

That last one, that’s me. To a country on UK’s ‘amber’ warning list: Welcome to the inspiration for this post.

Do you put a lid on your joy?

“Are we hiding, judging, defending, justifying or enjoying the goodness that comes our way?”

I am writing this in the Eurostar to The Netherlands,
Going to see my family for the first time
Since Christmas 2019 (17 months ago).
My heart is overflowing...

And yet, not long ago
I also felt a sense of embarrassment.

What will the people in my street think?

The thought even crossed my mind to not share anything

On Social Media, like Instagram or Facebook.

When I caught myself thinking about hiding my trip,

I realised: I cannot be the only one

Who experiences these feelings.

I have to write about this.

In my case it was a sense of shame about travelling:
I can afford the Covid PCR tests,
And I can work from home,
During the mandatory quarantine.
So many people can’t.
International travel simply not an option.
And here I am, on a train.
An integrity clash inside of me. Life is so unfair.

I wonder too, am I typing this
Because I am somehow defending myself
For travelling abroad?

And unrelated to international travels,

Maybe you have found yourself saying:

"Yes I went to a restaurant,
But we all kept to social distancing".
Or "I've been to the countryside last year,
But we weren't in any lockdown then".
Are we feeling judged
And seek to justify ourselves?

Either way: a lid pushed firmly on our joy.

But does that mean
It's better to hide our joy? To pretend it isn’t there?
Does that help others?

Or is compassion enough?
Kind words that say
“I hope you’ll be re-united soon
With your loved ones too.”
Or
“I am aware how fortunate I am,
And I am so sorry you can’t go yourself”.

How to overcome that sense of having to hide your joy?

I believe that cringe we feel,

Is mostly us judging ourselves,

Experiencing a conflict inside of us,

But our mind projects it outwards onto others.

As soon as we feel at peace with our own decisions,

The inner conflict dissolves

And the (real or imagined) external opinion of others

Seize to have much influence on our state of mind.

In my case, as soon as I dropped the battle with being a ‘good girl’

(Knowing my travel is legal,

And that I do it wisely and cautiously)

And letting go of my integrity clash

(Realising that equal access

To certain freedoms is still very far away,

And I can only influence that on a very small scale),

My joy started to flow freely.

And now I'm just utterly exited to go,

So much less affected by the views of others.

Plus, I will be radiating out my happiness

For the benefit of all.

I gave myself permission
To let my heart sing:
The sheer happiness
Of seeing my parents again,
My little nephews, sisters,
My life-long friends:
It's been almost 1.5 years.

I invite you to take the lid off your own joy too.

We can still be utterly gutted

That certain joys

Aren't possible for all of us.

But we can send everyone our happiness,

Lots and lots and lots of it.

And wish their hearts may overflow with joy too.

Karin xx