Why we need to let go of wanting to be right in arguments.

These three words bring harmony.

how-to-stop-arguments-in-relationships-being-right

"Do you want to be right,
Or do you want to be happy?"

It hit me
The first time I heard these lines,
As it's so true isn't it?
The amount of times we argue
Because we want the other
To acknowledge we are in the right
(And they are in the wrong).

If we can let go
Of needing to be right
(Why does that matter
So much to us, anyway?)
Something else becomes possible;
Harmony,
Mutual understanding,
Personal growth...

Let us seek to listen
Instead of being heard.
Let us seek to understand
Instead of being understood.

And just to be clear,
I don't mean giving up
Or giving in.
I don't mean sacrificing,
Swallowing or overruling
Our own point of view.
I mean dropping the attachment
Of wanting the other
To agree with us
Or to tell us we are right.

“Love this! Thanks.”

Izzy

being-right-arguments-win-fights-relationships-competitive

“Dear Karin, thank you. I choose happy and am LOVINGLY working on keeping my ego in check.”

Petronella

“Great piece Karin”

Jos

Politics,
Covid-safe or Covid-reckless behaviour,
Vaccine yes or no,
And all the other stuff we argue about.

How about we stop needing
To "win" the argument?
But instead,
Aim for harmony?
A middle way?
Consensus?
Agreeing to disagree?
Giving up our need to control
And to make things go "our way"
(As clearly, that is "the best" way ;)

How?
I hear you wonder.

With these three simple words:
"Tell me more".

arguments-being-right — Let us seek to *listen*
Instead of being *heard*.
Let us seek to *understand*
Instead of being *understood*.

I wrote “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy” on my notice board. it was Very telling WHEN my mother came to visit she wrote a post-it note saying she wants to be both!! :)

- anonymous -

That's all.
Next time you find yourself
In an argument,
Or witnessing one around you,
Simply ask
"Tell me more".

No matter how much you disagree,
Let them explain.
No matter how infuriating,
Allow them to express their views.
Ignore your competitive habits.
And who knows,
You might see that from their angle
They also have a point.
After all, a 9 and a 6
Are different and the same
Depending on the way you look at them.

You might feel empathy for them
(Which is different to sympathy, or pity)
Or not.
But at least, you haven't argued.
And if it's your lucky day
And the other feels heard,
And taken seriously by you,
They might even ask
"And how about you?
I know you disagree.
Why do you see it the way you do?"

And just like that
The argument is gone and
A healthy discussion appeared.