Becoming un-busy
About transforming the unhelpful stories we tell ourselves.
I often feel busy.
And then I really, really
Want to become un-busy.
One way of dealing with this
Is to come up with lots of ideas
To be less busy:
Reduce activities that bring stress and
Add techniques to feel calmer.
This is helpful and valid.
Yet in my coaching sessions,
Besides doing the above,
I also look at the inner dialogue itself.
What is the story we tell ourselves,
And repeat so often
That it becomes more and more true?
This weekend I did
An online meditation retreat
(Lol, not that busy, I hear you think
If you could create space for that :)
And during one of the sessions
The "Gosh, I am busy" phrase
Popped up strongly in my mind,
And I decided to investigate:
When I tell myself "I am busy",
What do I actually mean?
What do I feel when I say this?
Maybe it's more accurate if I'd say
"I am stressed, or not peaceful inside".
Or "I feel overwhelmed, or irritated".
There is definitely a sense of anger,
A victimhood "Oh gosh, look at me,
I have soooo much to do".
Stop the glorification of busy.
I also explored if there was
Any type of 'perceived pay-off'
Of having this thought of busy-ness.
At first glance, we might think
There is nothing positive
About our limiting thoughts.
But really, when we dive deeper,
There is usually some sort of benefit.
Let’s stop telling each other how busy we are…
In my case, feeling busy
Is associated with superiority:
"I am important, as I have so much to do".
A sense of arrogance,
"Look at me, working so hard".
As if it should earn me respect.
And below that, there is another layer.
A wish to be rescued:
That someone says "Oh poor you,
I will take over these tasks and do it for you,
You rest and do nothing, I will do it".
Fascinating isn't it,
All hidden below the statement
"I am busy".
Beware the barrenness of a busy life.
Socrates
And it's so subjective too,
Totally depending on your perspective.
A home-schooling mum who is also
The main bread-winner will look at me
And laugh, "You busy? Try my life!"
While another might say
"How on earth do you manage,
A newsletter every week,
I cannot even send one a month".
We view everything through the lens
Of our own views and opinions.
But by repeating it
We solidify it.
Make it more 'real' somehow.
Grasp onto it and cling to it,
Getting attached to our own stories.
Making it into an "I-statement":
I AM... busy.
Am I, really?
It's me who makes that decision isn't it?
So I can un-decide it.
During the meditation session
I was patiently, kindly, curiously,
Witnessing all these layers
Letting them unfold,
Like the layers of an onion.
Smiling at myself and my silliness.
Slowly I started
To re-frame the thought.
I realised how self-created
A lot of the busy-ness was.
And instead of "I am busy"
The thought became
"I have a lot to do",
Which already felt more manageable.
That became "I decide my own actions"
Which morphed into
"I create my own reality".
Now that thought restored my peace.
I felt a sense of ownership.
Of being behind the steering wheel
Of my own experience of life.
A lot of the things
On my to-do list have not disappeared,
But they somehow felt smaller,
And many of the tasks
I actually don't mind, or even enjoy.
The story of 'being busy'
Is becoming less true,
Feeling instead more like
Just me and a task,
In the here and now,
With a much more peaceful
And contented mind.
You see, in this way
We do not only solve the issue
In the world 'out-there',
But we eliminate the root by
Transforming our inner world.
How about you?
What do you say to yourself,
Repeating it often enough,
So it becomes 'real'?
What sort of stories do you tell yourself?
Which you then solidify
And overly identify yourself with.
While they are just assumptions,
Perceptions,
Based on memories, experiences,
Opinions, views, cultural influences:
A whole bunch of stuff
That takes you away from "what is".
Drop it all
And experience life as it is.
It's much better than living inside
A story in our heads.
Sending you un-busyness
And lots of inner calm.
With love as always,
Karin xx
Photos, with gratitude Unsplash.
“Great blog post. I am going to apply this to my recurring thought “I am Stressed”.”
“Beautiful! Nicely said.”
“Thank you! You have really helped unravel the busy myth.”
