When I was jealous of people who drank beer and watched football
How to find happiness instead of pleasure. And why the difference matters.
My own therapist once told me
That when one opens the door
To a deeper level of awareness,
There is no going back.
I regretted sometimes,
Back in those early days,
That I'd opened that door...
Self-awareness over-complicated stuff,
Made something big out of everything,
Looked for 'what might be underneath',
Analysed every little detail:
So exhausting!
I used to be jealous
Of people who could enjoy their Saturday
With a pint of beer in their hand
Watching a soccer match with mates.
Cracking some jokes,
Just chilling,
Having a nice Saturday.
While mine were spent
Reliving conversations,
Analysing my behaviour,
Checking what I was truly feeling…
How something might relate to my past,
Which old experiences was triggered,
What I could learn from it,
Doing more healing work.
Wha!
And I yearned
For a simple jolly good Saturday.
No navel-gazing
No deep contemplation
No self-awareness
No analysis how this could help me grow
So exhausting!
Why can't I just have fun?
I use to wonder
Why can't I be more like them?
Seems so much easier.
Less complicated.
They are happy,
Aren't they?
Why do I have to reflect on everything?
Making myself tired.
Making myself feel so different,
Separate. Not belonging…
Yet I knew
Already back then
That opening that door in therapy
To a deeper level of self-awareness
Was a priceless treasure.
And that spending my life
Watching a game with a beer in my hand
Was in no way going to be fulfilling for me.
In case you get the wrong impression:
I do like a cold beer now and again!
And when the Dutch national team plays
I might join the fun in the pub.
Mostly for the people and the atmosphere
And only once every couple of years or so :)
And obviously
Many beer and soccer lovers are deep and wise!
It's just that for some reason my inner story
Had this 'beer and football' image connected to it.
Is your door of awareness open?
Deeper levels of consciousness
Asking for your attention?
Growing, learning, healing, transforming:
How lucky you are.
Opening the door of self-awareness
Brings infinite reflection and analysis,
And might feel like hard work.
Yet I believe
It carries a sensitivity and wisdom.
It’s gift incredibly profound.
The reward is a different type of happiness.
Not just the happiness of pleasure,
Triggered by gratifying our five senses.
But a more subtle, more spiritual happiness
Of meaning
Of purpose.
Achieved without the need of external input.
Always within our own control.
Independent from life's ups and downs.
A stable sense of being,
Finding within oneself
A peace. A joy. An ease.
