Off-grid, but plugged into something bigger

what can we learn from Three days of solitary silent retreat?

Video of the solitary retreat hut at Gomde UK, Tibetan Buddhist Meditation Centre.

Imagine a little wooden hut
On the outskirts of a Buddhist Centre
In Yorkshire, the north of the UK.
Completely off-grid:
No electricity (hello solar lights),
No running water (ten litre jugs and a compostable toilet!)
Cooking with a gas cylinder (love the whistle of the kettle)
And no central heating (but a cosy wood burner instead).

Inside the hut are just me and a meditation pillow.
This is what happened next…

Let’s start at the beginning: why do Buddhists meditate

What actually is a Buddhist meditation retreat?

Let me first share some background to Buddhist meditation retreat. Going into retreat means to set boundaries. What do you permit within the boundary of your sacred space, in terms of the actions of ‘the three gates’: your body, speech and mind? The more virtuous your (lack of) actions, the deeper and more profound your meditation experience can go. Dedicate your retreat to actions that are not simply harmless or neutral, but to what is of benefit to most beings, including yourself.

In terms of actions of your body: don’t do harm, and where you can, do good. So no taking of intoxicants, no reading of novels (only spiritual texts), no decision making about work, no brainstorming about to-do lists for the family or the house etc. Basically, drop the pursuit of all worldly aims. Turn yourself towards the spiritual. And try to keep the mosquitos and spiders alive :)
In terms of actions of your speech: best not to talk at all. In that way it’s easier not to lie, boast, gossip, engage in meaningless chatter or use your words to create disharmony. No talking at all means no contact with other people, no phone, no internet, no emails, no messages. Pause it all and find the silence within.
And the hardest one of all, the actions of your mind. This is what retreat is all about. To observe one’s own mind: the thoughts, emotions and whirlwinds of habits creating havoc on a daily basis. The perceived but non-existing master behind everything we do in life. Who or what is behind the steering wheel inside your head and heart? Watch that part of you, and turn it towards what is pure and loving, compassionate and wise. For myself, ay this is easier said than done :)

Buddhist Meditation is a way of taming and transforming the mind. It is not just to experience a more peaceful, calmer state of being. It is a path that leads to more compassion, a loving kindness for not just oneself and those near and dear, but that expands infinitely to all beings. It brings a clarity and a deeper understanding of reality, leading to ultimate freedom, or awakening.

This is me sharing a little of my understanding of what Buddhist retreat is about. If you’d like to do one yourself I highly recommened to find a qualified Buddhist teacher to give you proper instructions and guidance. Happy to point you in the right direction, just contact me. I’d love to hear from you.

Since all this thinking
Hasn’t done me much good,
In order to grow accustomed
To observing my mind
I’m going into the wildwoods.
Where you, dear mind,
Will realize lasting happiness.

Longchenpa

Reflections on Day One - Morning

Sitting in the sun

Noticing a rainbow on a dewdrop

Balancing on the tip of a blade of grass

Hearing the songs of the birds,

Receiving it inwards.

A woodpecker rattles.

My mind goes through check-lists of stuff to do,

A life-long habit.

My thoughts wandering towards my dear clients,

The wishes I have for them.

The things I need to do for work or my house.

I try to bring my mind

Back to the present moment.

I had a dream with my husband last night.

He told me he prefers to only have thoughts

Related to the moment he is in.

I dreamed of a second man,

Someone I used to have a crush on in my twenties.

We were so playful together,

Like children having fun.

Did we dare to express our fondness of each other?

It was present in every move.

Carl Jung stays that everything we dream of

Is an aspect of ourselves.

I believe these men in my dreams

Are showing me my healthy inner masculine.

Anytime, but especially during retreat,

Pay attention to the messages in dream.

I sit in the sun

Allowing myself to not do anything.

Just sit and appreciate,

How blessed and lucky I am.

Filling my heart with gratitude.

Glimmers of ideas

How to help others

Feel this peace too.

Cutting my banana for my morning porridge

Already goes a little more slowly.

Less rushed, more present

I am so glad I came here.

I was nervous beforehand…

Temped by pub lunches with my husband instead.

What if I go and will be bored?

Thoughts of cancelling.

But here I am. I came. I Ignored the chatter in my mind.

Day one.

So grateful.

Reflections on Day One - Evening

This feels so far more like relaxation

With mindfulness,

Compared to true retreat.

It is lovely though.

Sitting in the sun,

Being aware of sitting in the sun.

Listening to the voice in my head:

Who is the one listening?

Dropping

Sinking

Relaxing

Less doing, more being.

A long walk through the woods

Lunch on a bench overlooking a lake.

Just before dinner

A first glimpse of true retreat.

I sit in the meditation hall

Buddhist statues, photos of meditation teachers,

The smell of incense:

A sense of home.

I looked into the kind eyes of the Buddha

And asked:

“Please

Show me my faults,

Show me where I go wrong,

Show me what I didn’t see..

I want to love so deeply, so purely

Show me where I get it wrong…”

I am imagining light rays shining forth

Entering my body,

A warm golden light.

My eyes well up,

My heart wide open.

I can see it

Right there, and there, and there.

I don’t mean to

But I got it wrong

It’s so clear to me now.

Tears falling,

Entire body softening,

Heart wide open.

So good I am seeing,

So grateful I now know

Thank you, thank you…

You my reader might wonder

If this is a scolding exercise,

Making me feel bad about my faults.

Let me tell you, it is not.

I know I have a heart of gold.

This is about seeing clearly

With loving eyes,

Such amazingly loving eyes,

Watching oneself,

Observing one’s own mind.

Letting everything unfold,

Accepting fully, no hiding places.

And right there,

I change.

It is good

So good.

To transform my own mind and heart,

Is why I do retreat.

“Show me the ways you avoid stillness, and I’ll show you the patterns that run your life.”

Cory Muscara

Find out what happened on the final two days of my retreat:

Yes, tell me more!

“You are such a lovely lady!”

Rosy Dovey

“Hello from Amsterdam! Living alone gives me plenty of time and space for stillness and silence: at home, cycling in Dutch nature on safe bike paths in the country, all the way to Zandvoort beach, walking on the beach, alone, along that long coastline. It's possible.....if you choose to leave your cell phone at home and take pictures with your heart. "